Letters to Ann

Dear Ann,

When my brother in law was ill & went to hospital it was Michelle, Joice’s daughter, that rang me from Tasmania to tell me the sad news: that he would not be coming out of hospital. I instinctively knew this before she said it, but no matter how you think you are prepared for this kind of news it is still a shock.

I loved John & of course this sudden turn of events had me very much saddened. Michelle also rang to tell me she was on the next plane out of Tasmania & would be staying with her Mum for as long as she was needed.

This wonderful niece of mine is a Scorpio like her Aunt, therefore I know the strong stuff she is made of & can overcome the strongest of emotions & do exceptional things. Joice could not have had anyone better than Michelle with her through the sad & difficult days that were to come.

So Michelle stayed with her Mum in Forster for about a month or more. Before, during & after John’s passing.

After the funeral I think Michelle set herself the task of spring cleaning the house from top to bottom & did everything but paint the place inside & out. And of course, she was protective of her Mum, making sure that Joice did nothing of what she would normally do, such as using a ladder to get to the top shelf in the pantry & other similar simple things.

Michelle was there to make sure her Mum did nothing to risk any danger & did it herself. I think this can so often happen when the Mother becomes the child & the child becomes the Mother. In their bid to look after Mum she is aware of all the dangers that so often cause falls. etc.

Michelle is a gem in every sense, protecting, loving, thoughtful, caring & will overdo it herself to do things for her Mum & others.

A couple of weeks passed after the funeral & Michelle rang me to say they would be popping in within the next couple of days when she would be on her way back home to Tasmania & Joice would be staying with me for the night. I was looking forward to this immensely.

The evening they arrived they also had with them a new member of the family, Nic (she likes to be called Nic & not Nicole) & I was happy to see her too. She was bridesmaid for Bianca at her marriage to Brendan, Michelle’s second son with Brendan’s brother Chris as a groomsman at the wedding.

It seems that Nic & Chris hit it off greatly & are now sharing their lives together. Since the wedding Nic & Chris have bumped into me a couple of times, which has pleased me greatly.

Although they live not far from where I live, Michelle’s three sons & I have not had a close relationship. It’s a bit strange but that’s the way it was. However I think that’s going to change!.

So on the evening before Michelle’s departure to Tasmania, I had Michelle, Joice & Nic in my lounge room. I made a casual remark to Joice saying how much she must have appreciated Michelle being with her. Of course, Joice answered in the affirmative saying that Michelle had been wonderful & packed about 25 cartons.

That remark went over my head. As you know it takes time for the penny to drop with me. It wasn’t until Michelle said “Don’t you want to know what’s in the cartons?”  I was about to say “Not particularly,” but before the words were out she added “The cartons are going to Tasmania.” Then the penny dropped with a great thud!

When Joice celebrated her 70th birthday she paid me the loveliest compliment by saying – in front of all the family present at that moment, including John – that she had always thought if anything ever happened to John she had the dream that she I would live together.

The penny didn’t take too long this time though: I knew! She was going back to Tasmania to live to be with her two daughters who had migrated back there years before. The tears were not far away as the shock hit & I instinctively went to Nic putting my arms around her waist saying she would have to take Joice’s place.

She hugged me & somehow you know that a new relationship is taking place. One door shuts & another opens! Nic was great, hugged me & made me feel that she would do just that!. I don’t expect her to live up to the task as it’s a big ask: Joice & I have not only been sisters we have been the greatest of friends.

In the couple of weeks that ensued, Joice’s home went on the market. She had almost purchased a new home in Latrobe, Tasmania just up the road from Michelle’s home & not far from Kassandra, her other daughter. I knew this would be the obvious decision for Joice to make but it happened too quickly!

As Philip always said, “Changes in life are inevitable & we have to be ready to embrace them.” As David said when I told him the news “It is the right decision for Joice. but sad for you Mum.” Joice & I have always been extremely close.

So Michelle went to stay with her son that night before she flew off next day for Tasmania. Nic went back home to Chris & Joice & I sat up talking until 2 a.m. I did not shed tears. I rarely succumb to crying these days. The tears can spring to my eyes, but bawling my head off achieves nothing except very sore eyes! I must have gained some wisdom & common sense as I grew older!

The next day Joice went back to Forster to finalise things, which took another month. During that time she stayed with her long time friend, Dianne who has been like another daughter to Joice & John. The love between the three of them was very meaningful. Joice stayed with Di for some weeks before she was ready to fly to Tasmania & settle into her new home.

This has gone full circle & the loving bond & relationship Max & I had with Joice & Jan, her first husband, brought them to Newcastle to live, because they didn’t want us to be apart. I am thankful that I have had all these years: 80 of them with my best friend. She was God’s gift to me, a little sister I so badly wanted & prayed for.

So that’s how it was. David had his Auntie Joice present for his 59th birthday as she was departing for her new home the very next day & I was losing my sister to the island of our birth. Such is life &, in this case, as it should be. However, my heart was heavy.

Joice and Dawn share a last lunch together at Michelle’s

We didn’t stay up late talking after David’s birthday celebration & very sensibly went to bed earlier than normal as we were conscious of all the trauma Joice had been through in the weeks beforehand realising what a stress it has all been for her. Also there would be stress ahead too with settling into a new home.

Besides we had a few hours in the morrow to say what we wanted to say & I would have my sister entirely to myself for those last hours together.

So on the 21st September, we left my home early in the morning so that we could be be at the airport early & have those last few hours all to ourselves. We did just that & followed out Michelle’s strict instructions that Mum was not to lift the heavy luggage out of the car etc. etc. etc.

We went into the airport without the heavy luggage, sat & talked. When it was getting nearer to the time when the airline opened up for the flight Joice went back to the car, got a great handsome looking man, a security agent, to lift the bags out of the car as Michelle had instructed.

The good man then wheeled them over to the terminal & even though the air line was not yet open, he got them to take the luggage & hey presto, we were then ready to enjoy the last hour or so together without any encumbrances.

I do wish though that I had taken a photo of Joice with her knight in shining armour as he was at least six foot seven & little five foot Joice walking beside him looked like a little dwarf. It really was funny.

However, with all the business side of things taken care of we felt free, went through customs to be checked for any sign of bombs & so on, got to the other side with two & half hours to really have together & say our goodbyes.

Joice and Dawn at Newcastle Airport as Joice leaves for Tasmania to live.

With little to do except hang onto our purses we perused the grand fare that airports have to offer for travellers like us, ordered & sat ourselves down to be with each other for the last time for possibly more than another two years until our next family reunion in 2019.

We had almost finished our lunch when two forms appeared, one with her finger indicating for me to ‘shush’ as she put her hands over Joice’s eyes saying ‘Guess who?” Joice guessed who straight away – it was Di who had Joice as her guest in her home for the past three weeks & had said a sad goodbye to her in Forster two days earlier.

Di & a friend, Shirley had travelled down from Forster to give Joice one last big surprise, which was a lovely thought on their part. Di had evidently planned this & it was then that I understood why Michelle had been phoning Joice continually that morning to know where we were, as she was also in on the surprise.

I tried to bury my head in my lunch as for me, it was something I had not expected, so I got not a surprise but a shock! All of a sudden I had lost my appetite & felt as if someone had landed a bag of concrete in my tummy. I had selfishly wanted my sister all to myself for those last couple of hours which all goes to prove that the best laid plans for mice & men!

I will certainly miss my sister more than words can say & I left the airport with the heaviest heart possible. The circle has certainly gone full circle & our loving family in Burnie will be happy to welcome Joice back to the lovely island of our birth.

So instead of Joice being on the other side, this time she will be with her sisters to plan with them for the first time, the next family reunion when I will look forward to seeing them all in 2019.

Love to you my dear friend, Dawn X O X O.

Dear Ann

Well, here we are at this time of the year again. With big brother Philip having already reached the big 60,  David is fast approaching this milestone in his life.

It just about seems a lifetime ago when I was a mere 60, but over a quarter of a century has passed by since. I think the older you get the quicker time passes, but there is nothing we can do about it. Life goes on regardless.

However, whatever the age, birthdays are a special day & I feel should be celebrated. Where David is concerned he has been a little apprehensive about birthdays as his open heart surgery last year affected him immensely.

Joice, David and Dawn in the kitchen before heading out to dinner.

For David I think, death was a bit too close at that time, which makes one think of how long we, as individuals, have left on planet earth. However we must appreciate what we have in the now & concentrate on our blessings &, in my opinion, the biggest blessing is life itself & good health.

One of the nicest things that happened on David’s birthday was that my sister, Joice, was able to be with us, which was an unexpected surprise. I will tell you more about this later, but it will possibly be the last birthday Joice will share with David in person.

I think David really enjoyed having her share in the festivities too. His Auntie Joice was a very important person in his very early life.

David and Joice on his birthday

My mind went back to when David was a little fellow in his cot. Max & I were going to Melbourne for a holiday & Joice was looking after my two little boys, We delivered the children to Joice’s home just up the road & around the corner, along with David’s cot as he was only a few months old at that time.

Philip was already sleeping in a big bed – as we called it – & interested in things he could pull apart & see how they worked, which entertained him a lot. David also had an enquiring mind & was a very active child.

Joice later told us that we were hardly over Bass Strait when David learned how to climb out of his cot! The ultimate was that Joice & husband, Jan, at that time, had to use his play pen & fastened it securely on top of his cot to fence him in. I

think you have a photo of this in one of my letters to you – it was drastic measures for sure & we have had many laughs about that over the years.

Auntie Joice played a big part in David & Philip’s early life, so it was nice that she could be with David on his 59th birthday. I know David appreciated it too.

The plan was for all the family to meet at David & Lauren’s place, then we would all be transported to the Thai Restaurant, ‘Benjamas’, which is in town. I had been organised with my gifts well ahead that were taken up to the home to be unwrapped before we went out.

My birthday card was simple which just read:

“Even though you are not so small anymore you will always be my little boy. Some of my best moments. my sweetest memories will always be having a son like you. There is no doubt about that.

My Fond Love Always, Mum.”

We have talked at length in our Saturday afternoon chats about his young life, how inquisitive he was, how active & how it affected his adult life. And one of the things he mentioned to me recently in these chats of ours was when he was a teenage boy.

I had to go on those long trips up north during the Tupperware years. I would be away from home for at least three days & how he looked forward to his Mum coming back home. He said how very important this was in his life & it touched me deeply.

I think David had fun unwrapping his simple gifts after the main one eventuatedt. First was a little pen with his name on it saying what David meant…daring & determined..- that’s why I bought it, no words could be more true.

I also had for him a very beautiful tile from the San Antonio winery that can be used as a plate to place the kettle on or, as something to display, it is very attractive. I also bought a sign to be put up in the kitchen with words taken from the Desiderata which said:

“Lord grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can, & the

Wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I may have to kill because they piss me off!”

David and his new kitchen rules.

The other thing i took along was a passionfruit sponge cake filled with whipped cream: David’s favourite all his life. I wasn’t asked to make a cake, I just did it out of tradition because David loves it so much.

When Lauren saw it on the kitchen bench, she said she hadn’t thought of a cake & was glad I had brought one along. I remember asking David what cake he wanted for his 21st birthday, which are usually very meaningful &, without a thought he said “A passionfruit sponge cake”!

So how could I not do it for the past 38 years!

Joice gave David a birthday card & said:

“I have nothing else for you except this card. but it comes with all the best wishes this world can hold for you.”

That was enough from Auntie Joice & great cuddles took place between Auntie & nephew. For me, it was great to witness the love shown between the two. There is no doubt that those very early years plant some very deep emotions.

I think the years when Joice & Jan, Max & I had our holiday house at Scamander & would take our four children – Philip, Kassandra, David & Michelle – there at every opportunity were years cemented in the bond & love held ever since.

Back to David’s birthday. The entourage then took place. David, Lauren, Joice, Pat & Dawn in one car. Riley in her car to pick up boyfriend, Dave, on the way & Georgia & Mick arriving at their own convenience, along with Charley.  We were all bound for David’s favourite restaurant, Benjamas.

Happy Birthday cake.

There was a lot more gift giving as we sat down which is always a joy to watch. A delicious meal was served & at the end the cake was brought in by the proprietor of the restaurant, with candles flaming as three beautiful ladies watched it being placed before David.

Three beautiful ladies: Charley, Dawn and Joice.

The beautiful ladies were none other than: Auntie Joice, Mumma Dawn & child, Charley Anne. It was a good birthday & our wishes to David is Many Happy Returns & good health along the way. It was a very happy evening & a birthday well celebrated with loving family.

Love you heaps. Dawn X O X O

Dear Ann,

You must be thinking what an unusual name Graham Thirkettle is?  To tell the truth I have never heard of this surname before. I had no idea that he was the husband of my line dancing teacher. To me she has always been Jean!

What I did know was that Jean had a very happy marriage. Don’t ask me how I got to know that, but somehow it was obvious, because it showed in Jeans normal life.

It must be over ten years now since my friends, Pat, Judy & I became aware of an ad in the local paper to say line dancing classes were available at Belmont Neighbourhood Centre. Pat brought the ad to lunch one day & it was unanimous that we would join this activity.

The following week we were there with lots of fresh enthusiasm ready to learn. For myself this activity had been in the back of my mind for years without me giving it much thought. It wasn’t until we read the advertisement that I realised the thought had been lurking for a long time & that I was so keen.

We rolled up on the set day, which is a day I will not forget. Line dancing looks so easy, but it is not what it looks. The name of some of the steps were explained to us & we were slowly introduced to putting music to the steps.

It was a bit of a shock, but Jean is a great teacher. As we slowly got to know the steps (well, some of them) & put them to music, we moved as directed.

Another thing I will never forget is the very first dance we learnt: The Bartenders Stomp. Jean took us through this slowly at first & then increased the tempo. It only took a few more lessons with practice at home & I learnt to slide, stomp & move to the music with that dance & could do it with my eyes shut. I have never forgetten that dance & I don’t need boot sscootin’ boots either!

Dawn dances with Jean leading from the stage.

And I never forgot Jean telling us in that first lesson that you must use your brain to remember the steps & not rely on anyone else dancing near you. Ever since, when doing that dance I would never put a foot wrong.

Since then Jean & her co-teachers, daughter Robin & close friend Joyce have taught me, or endeavoured to teach me, the dance steps to over one hundred dances. Some I know off by heart, others I struggle with, particularly one called ‘Pot o’Gold.’ When I can do that without a false step I will feel grand.

At the moment my very favourite one is the ‘Rock & Roll Waltz.’ When I do that dance I can almost shut my eyes & just float along, I love it. However, I do have lots of favourites. Some are waltzes; others are like Michael Jackson’s ‘Don’t Stop,’ which I have done on my own at Prime Timers.

Some years back Pat & Judy, although very good line dancers decided to give it up, but I continued as I found I was loving the activity. It was good for two reasons as it requires concentration, good for the brain, & physical exercise. I am currently the oldest in our class & hope my health remains good, so that I can continue for the next few years.

However, I have digressed from Graham Thirkettle, Jean’s husband, mentor, lover, companion & best friend. As usual things come in threes.

When I arrived home from my brother in law’s funeral at Forster I had a phone call that evening from Peggy Ryan to inform me of the death of Peter, her husband. I was so glad that Philip & I had called to see these good friends in Scamander last January , 2015.

The next morning Joyce from line dancing rang to say that Graham, Jean’s husband had passed away in his sleep the night before. There was no warning of illness, he appeared to be fit as a fiddle & therefore it was a great shock.

I can remember how I felt when my Grand father, George Graham passed away like that. It is a wonderful way to pass out of planet earth, but a great shock to the family. Somehow I think I will follow in Grandfather’s footsteps.

With this news of I was greatly saddened, I felt so much for Jean & organised myself to attend the Thanksgiving Service. I am not used to going to funerals on my own, & I had to find my way to St. Luke’s Church in Belmont, where I didn’t know my way, but with the directions given found it okay.

When I arrived there I was met by people conducting the traffic, which made me realise how much Graham was thought of. I was shown my spot to park then walked up to the front of the Church where Jean was standing.

I will never forget the moment we embraced & it brings tears to my eyes even now, no words were spoken but I used the touch of my hands on Jean’s back to comfort her something I learnt from Philip’s wife Jenni, many years ago.

I walked up into the very modern, but very big Church, feeling very alone & signed the guest book. I wrote the first thing that came into my head which was “I love you Jean & I am just here for you”. I felt later that it was a bit personal, but it felt right at the time & there are many different kinds of love.

The Church at that stage was packed & to my great relief some of my line dancing pals saw me & beckoned me over to them.

The Church is designed with folding doors to halve the church if necessary. These doors were apart with a crowd already there, even though it was still early & extra seating was being organised right up until the Thanksgiving commenced. Seats were finally placed outside the building & way down the steps where it was audible from the loud speakers.

I hadn’t known that Graham was a lay preacher for most of his life, like my sister, Kim. He preached in many different churches regardless of religion. He loved teaching, sport, gymnastics, being a sporting coach & had his feet firmly planted on earth.

He was also a philosopher & said:

“It can happen that we can be more definite in faith when young, & in growing older & experiencing more of life, have doubts creep in. Yes, we can, & do grow up in our faith but can also grow downwards . This growing down can be growing in humility, but it can also be growing in the midst of, & because of, doubt & uncertainty.

I often think of life in terms of contrasts e.g., we can’t fully appreciate good health unless, or until, we have experienced serious illness, or a vacation until it is a break from hard work or hard times; unless we’ve been at some time, without it or certainty if we’ve not experienced uncertainty. There would be no mountains if there were no valleys.”

I could not agree more.

All the four children spoke at the Thanksgiving, but what touched me most was when Jean spoke saying:

“Graham loved God, the teachings of Jesus & he loved people. He loved me to the core, telling me that only a few days ago. He cared for me constantly & would lighten my load whenever he could as long as it didn’t clash with the five o’clock news.”

I wonder how many wives could honestly say that about a husband’s love.

I can only say that the whole Thanksgiving Service was lengthy, but very moving. It was very obvious how this family lived as a family in love with God, which is an ongoing experience & also in a love shared between them all. I loved my line dancing teacher all the more in having shared with her & the family the experience of her husband’s passing.

From the church we went to the hall which catered for over two hundred & fifty people who attended the service. It was obvious that the ladies of the church had catered for the wake. Who else would have Butterfly Cakes & would you believe, Jelly Cakes on the menu, a reminder of the age in which I am still grateful to be living in!

When I stepped into the vast hall & saw what was laid out on the many tables up the centre of the room it reminded me of many suppers of long gone years in Tasmania when we would all make those little delicacies for suppers when entertaining, which was the norm. It was like turning the clock back to see it all again & gave a very homely ending to the service we had just attended.

God Bless you Ann. My Fond Love. Dawn X O X O