Letters to Ann

Dear Ann,

You must be thinking what an unusual name Graham Thirkettle is?  To tell the truth I have never heard of this surname before. I had no idea that he was the husband of my line dancing teacher. To me she has always been Jean!

What I did know was that Jean had a very happy marriage. Don’t ask me how I got to know that, but somehow it was obvious, because it showed in Jeans normal life.

It must be over ten years now since my friends, Pat, Judy & I became aware of an ad in the local paper to say line dancing classes were available at Belmont Neighbourhood Centre. Pat brought the ad to lunch one day & it was unanimous that we would join this activity.

The following week we were there with lots of fresh enthusiasm ready to learn. For myself this activity had been in the back of my mind for years without me giving it much thought. It wasn’t until we read the advertisement that I realised the thought had been lurking for a long time & that I was so keen.

We rolled up on the set day, which is a day I will not forget. Line dancing looks so easy, but it is not what it looks. The name of some of the steps were explained to us & we were slowly introduced to putting music to the steps.

It was a bit of a shock, but Jean is a great teacher. As we slowly got to know the steps (well, some of them) & put them to music, we moved as directed.

Another thing I will never forget is the very first dance we learnt: The Bartenders Stomp. Jean took us through this slowly at first & then increased the tempo. It only took a few more lessons with practice at home & I learnt to slide, stomp & move to the music with that dance & could do it with my eyes shut. I have never forgetten that dance & I don’t need boot sscootin’ boots either!

Dawn dances with Jean leading from the stage.

And I never forgot Jean telling us in that first lesson that you must use your brain to remember the steps & not rely on anyone else dancing near you. Ever since, when doing that dance I would never put a foot wrong.

Since then Jean & her co-teachers, daughter Robin & close friend Joyce have taught me, or endeavoured to teach me, the dance steps to over one hundred dances. Some I know off by heart, others I struggle with, particularly one called ‘Pot o’Gold.’ When I can do that without a false step I will feel grand.

At the moment my very favourite one is the ‘Rock & Roll Waltz.’ When I do that dance I can almost shut my eyes & just float along, I love it. However, I do have lots of favourites. Some are waltzes; others are like Michael Jackson’s ‘Don’t Stop,’ which I have done on my own at Prime Timers.

Some years back Pat & Judy, although very good line dancers decided to give it up, but I continued as I found I was loving the activity. It was good for two reasons as it requires concentration, good for the brain, & physical exercise. I am currently the oldest in our class & hope my health remains good, so that I can continue for the next few years.

However, I have digressed from Graham Thirkettle, Jean’s husband, mentor, lover, companion & best friend. As usual things come in threes.

When I arrived home from my brother in law’s funeral at Forster I had a phone call that evening from Peggy Ryan to inform me of the death of Peter, her husband. I was so glad that Philip & I had called to see these good friends in Scamander last January , 2015.

The next morning Joyce from line dancing rang to say that Graham, Jean’s husband had passed away in his sleep the night before. There was no warning of illness, he appeared to be fit as a fiddle & therefore it was a great shock.

I can remember how I felt when my Grand father, George Graham passed away like that. It is a wonderful way to pass out of planet earth, but a great shock to the family. Somehow I think I will follow in Grandfather’s footsteps.

With this news of I was greatly saddened, I felt so much for Jean & organised myself to attend the Thanksgiving Service. I am not used to going to funerals on my own, & I had to find my way to St. Luke’s Church in Belmont, where I didn’t know my way, but with the directions given found it okay.

When I arrived there I was met by people conducting the traffic, which made me realise how much Graham was thought of. I was shown my spot to park then walked up to the front of the Church where Jean was standing.

I will never forget the moment we embraced & it brings tears to my eyes even now, no words were spoken but I used the touch of my hands on Jean’s back to comfort her something I learnt from Philip’s wife Jenni, many years ago.

I walked up into the very modern, but very big Church, feeling very alone & signed the guest book. I wrote the first thing that came into my head which was “I love you Jean & I am just here for you”. I felt later that it was a bit personal, but it felt right at the time & there are many different kinds of love.

The Church at that stage was packed & to my great relief some of my line dancing pals saw me & beckoned me over to them.

The Church is designed with folding doors to halve the church if necessary. These doors were apart with a crowd already there, even though it was still early & extra seating was being organised right up until the Thanksgiving commenced. Seats were finally placed outside the building & way down the steps where it was audible from the loud speakers.

I hadn’t known that Graham was a lay preacher for most of his life, like my sister, Kim. He preached in many different churches regardless of religion. He loved teaching, sport, gymnastics, being a sporting coach & had his feet firmly planted on earth.

He was also a philosopher & said:

“It can happen that we can be more definite in faith when young, & in growing older & experiencing more of life, have doubts creep in. Yes, we can, & do grow up in our faith but can also grow downwards . This growing down can be growing in humility, but it can also be growing in the midst of, & because of, doubt & uncertainty.

I often think of life in terms of contrasts e.g., we can’t fully appreciate good health unless, or until, we have experienced serious illness, or a vacation until it is a break from hard work or hard times; unless we’ve been at some time, without it or certainty if we’ve not experienced uncertainty. There would be no mountains if there were no valleys.”

I could not agree more.

All the four children spoke at the Thanksgiving, but what touched me most was when Jean spoke saying:

“Graham loved God, the teachings of Jesus & he loved people. He loved me to the core, telling me that only a few days ago. He cared for me constantly & would lighten my load whenever he could as long as it didn’t clash with the five o’clock news.”

I wonder how many wives could honestly say that about a husband’s love.

I can only say that the whole Thanksgiving Service was lengthy, but very moving. It was very obvious how this family lived as a family in love with God, which is an ongoing experience & also in a love shared between them all. I loved my line dancing teacher all the more in having shared with her & the family the experience of her husband’s passing.

From the church we went to the hall which catered for over two hundred & fifty people who attended the service. It was obvious that the ladies of the church had catered for the wake. Who else would have Butterfly Cakes & would you believe, Jelly Cakes on the menu, a reminder of the age in which I am still grateful to be living in!

When I stepped into the vast hall & saw what was laid out on the many tables up the centre of the room it reminded me of many suppers of long gone years in Tasmania when we would all make those little delicacies for suppers when entertaining, which was the norm. It was like turning the clock back to see it all again & gave a very homely ending to the service we had just attended.

God Bless you Ann. My Fond Love. Dawn X O X O