Letters to Ann

Dear Ann,

The powers that be are really treating us all at Prime Timers with great music for the first two months of the year. At our February meeting we had Bill Blackall’s Big Band which is quite a mouthful. I find it hard to get my mouth around that!

When we have treats like that we do our first part of the meeting in the hall, but for entertainment like this we move into the Church where there is more room. This month everything was set up in the Church & I don’t think the good Lord would mind one little bit. This time when we went to the Church we weren’t sitting in pews, but our tables were set up individually which was really nice.

So we saw & listened to the band as it was tuning up & warming up! The whole band looked grand dressed in all black shirts & trousers, a smart grey tie with a very smart black & silver vest.  They looked very smart & I was so sorry I discovered I had left my camera at home, a very rare thing for me to do. I could have kicked myself. So I am sorry I didn’t get any photos, but I am sure they will be back sometime in the future.

The band consisting of fourteen musicians on the day. An all male, all brass band except for two females. They played some well known & much loved favourites for us. I could see a lot of foot tapping going on, which is always a good indication that the audience is loving it.

I don’t know if it was Bill himself who was the leader, but when he stood up to say something I thought he was the sexiest looking man I had seen since I was a teenager! I know an eighty seven year old should not be thinking such things, but I did say this to my friend Cheryl who agreed, so it wasn’t just me thinking it.

He just came across as a very nice virile man who, as teenagers used to say, ‘I wouldn’t mind having his shoes under my bed!”

In addition to all that, he was not only the leader of the band, but also the singer of the band & had the smoothest & most beautiful voice.

I couldn’t help thinking how many people with voices like that are not recognised in the musical world because they have not been discovered. In any case, he sang some very well known songs with the band as accompaniment. It was certainly a morning where we all appreciated the entertainment,

As well as this our leader, Joan, gave us some information I had been waiting to hear: namely how much the trade table raised last year. I think I mentioned before that it was one of the goals I set myself at the beginning of the year to help make it the best annual trade table yet.

I not only nearly drowned everyone with Curried Zucchini Relish every month, but I took along some of my beautiful tablecloths I had stored in my linen press & no longer used. I also took along some other memorabilia I had been hanging onto, probably hoping my grand children may like it, but decided not to pressure them with it as they like to buy what is modern for the day.

Everyone supports the trade table & Joan announced that it had raised no less than $475. I do not know if this was a record, but I do know it was approximately $100 more than the previous year.

For the recipients in a third world country it bought three pigs ($205), four goats ($226), two sewing machines ($90) & two Shovels ($64), which I think is a great result from sixty Prime Timers’ members bringing along bric a brac to sell. As they say ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’!

It was a great morning & I will leave you with ‘The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell,’ which Joan had printed on our monthly brochure…

‘In the beginning which happened at the start there was nothing but God, darkness & some gas.

The Bible says “The Lord God is one”, but I think he must have been a lot older than that.

Anyway the Lord said ‘Give me Light’ & someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam & made Eve.

Adam & Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam & Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple so they were driven from the Garden of Eden, not sure what they were driven in though because they didn’t have cars.

Adam & Eve had a son, Cain who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the other people died off except Methuselah who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.

Noah built a large boat & put his family & some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Abraham came Isaac & Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother Esau because Jacob sold Esau his birthmark in exchange for his pot roast.

Jacob had a son called Joseph who had a really loud sports coat

Another important Bible guy is Moses whose real name was Charlton Heston.

Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt & away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice bowels & no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights with manicotti.

Then he gave to them his Top Ten Commandments. These include don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet your neighbour’s stuff. Oh yeah, I just thought of one more, Humour your Father & thy Mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.

Joseph fought the battle of Geritol & the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.

He had a son named Solomon who had 300 wives & 500 porcupines. My teacher said he was very wise but that doesn’t sound wise to me.

After Solomon there came a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah who was swallowed by a big whale & then barfed up on the shore.

There was also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. I wish I was born in a barn too because my Mom is always saying to me “Close the door were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say “As a matter of fact, I was”.

During his life Jesus had many arguments with the Pharisees & the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards & even preached to some Germans on the mount.

But the Democrats & all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus, he just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back again before the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution’.

With Fond Love Always. Dawn X O X